Terminated

That's our relationship. We broke up. Now, onto the next chapter of my life which right now is full of friends and family. We'll see when I am ready to date again...

Tomorrow I get to see him again

That sounds bad, doesn't it? Ugh. Anyways, we are meeting up tomorrow to talk about things. The conversation probably won't change anything. No matter how long we talk (and we spent over 2.5hrs on the phone from the past night and this morning), we won't be able to predict the future. I feel I am more positive, but I can turn my back and change a lot quicker, whereas he is being a little more negative but I know he wouldn't just give up on our relationship and date someone else as quickly as I would. *sigh*.

I guess I was blindsighted

Those "ring" cues were, while sincere, not fully thought out. He has realized that getting engaged is not a possibility with a 3 yr long distance relationship on the horizon. Also, his current savings will only get him through 6-7 months rent up by the school. That translates to: no money. When we initially talked about getting engaged, it was with the thought that he would not be starting school until at least the Fall or Winter. This school admitting early sort of threw us for a loop. It would not be logical for him not to attend, it is a great opportunity.

We discussed the harsh realities tonight, not knowing what to do. The program he is accepted into is so intense that he will have very little free time. Neither of us want to give up the relationship, but what can we possibly do? It was a very sad, weepy and grim discussion.

I guess I will continue blogging on what will be a turbulent relationship to come.

ok, here we go..

It's official. They emailed him saying he is in. Start day is May 25th...two month count down, here we go...

Eeek.

The interview went well...basically he was told he will get in. We find out officially on Monday. Is he really leaving in May?

I'm nervous for him,..

He is in the middle an interview. If he gets in, he leaves in May. I hope he gets it, even though he would have to leave. It's his dream.

We're doing well...like two love birds. I hope him getting in/not getting in doesn't change anything.

He is in the thick of things this very moment. I hope to hear good news tonight...and I hope to see him tonight.  If he gets home at a decent time, I can go over to his place after my evening shift.

Love always,

Me

ok so maybe...

I am being too hard on the relationship. I buckled and gave him a call after work today. He had just gotten back from dropping off his suit to dry clean for his school interview coming up.

We talked and laughed as usual. I wasn't mad that I hadn't heard from him..maybe more sad than mad. Anyways, conversation flowed, we are OK. yes. And randomly he added that he hadn't called yesterday because he was woken up at 12:30pm by work. Of course, guy needs to sleep. I have to cut him some slack..night shift is not a walk in the park, especially 12hr night shift x 3 days straight. It may be four days, actually, very likely. He was already told he was going to be called in tomorrow. All is good, I already have plans with the girlfriends tomorrow.

He loves me, we are OK. We have a future together.

That's the story tonight.

<3 i love

Back to the present

Okay, here I am...back from my trip. No ring..boo.

That's okay, I guess. What am I really looking for in this relationship anyways? Sometimes I believe we would get married and have kids. Sometimes, I feel like he just is not "the one." What's a girl to do?

I was pretty sure my ring speculation was no longer plausible when I got to his place to pick him up for the airport and he was not even packed. Ahh! I already knew then, so there was no watching and waiting during the trip. Besides, we spent the entire trip with a third person - either his dad or friend. There was no "romance" planned for the trip. Despite that, we had a great time. (I know it doesn't sound that way.)

Sometimes, I wonder why he is so hot and cold at the same time. He could be super lovey-dovey one day and act like a friend the next. Also, he doesn't like to hold me for pictures. Why? Why just stand next to the person like they are your relative or something...or not even? We got some pretty not-so-good pictures. The relationship did not start out this way...I don't know what happened to cause this.


He is working 3 night shifts back to back..today is the second day. I have not spoken to him since yesterday afternoon when I called him from work before he went in for his night shift. He has not called me...I decided not to call or contact him, though I miss him a lot. I don't understand why he does not feel the need to talk to me :(.

I know, mopey entry. Sorry..and this is only my second one. Hope the next one will bring better news.

<3 <3 <3

Fresh ideas

Here I am, posting to no one specific. I will not be revealing who I am as this will be my diary. All my thoughts will be uncut, unedited and most importantly, not held back in any way. See, I do not share all my inner most thoughts with my friends and family. I just do not feel comfortable doing it. I am a very private person. However, I think it would be good to write my thoughts down somewhere. Maybe in the future, I will be able to look back and see how far I've come.

What brings me here? Why, love of course. The same thing that drives many people to do things they wouldn't normally do. So, what is going on in my love life? This could take awhile...

I have been with the same guy for 4.5 years. Actually, the 0.5 will be in exactly 2 weeks..but close enough. Should I really start at the beginning? We have known each other since middle school. He went to my high school in 9th grade, but a new high school was built in the area and he went to another high school for the rest of the years. We met up again while I was in my last year of professional school and he had already graduated college. We had common friends. It was the perfect way to meet.

Flash forward, I am working. He had went back to school and is now working as well. Lots of drama in between, but we are better now. In fact, we are in a great place. So here we come at a point in our relationship where one asks, what now? Do we want to take the next step? People don't remain girlfriend and boyfriend forever. It was exciting to have a boyfriend in high school. Now we are grown-ups and we lead grown-up lives.

Now that you are up to date...

So we are going on a trip to California in a few days. He had asked me my ring size a couple weeks ago...then made some comments on my current rings paying attention to where I wear them. Not on the finger where the engagement/wedding band goes, I assured him. So what does this mean? Is Cali the place it will happen? I have no idea. I was supposed to have met his whole family before we got engaged. That has certainly not happened yet. To complicate things, he is applying to grad school and we learned he has been offered an interview for a school that starts in May.  This school is 5 hrs away from where I currently live. Oh dear. Yes, our plentiful time together may be short if he gets in. So many things going on, so many factors. My head is spinning.


What is going to happen? Well, something is going to happen. Engaged or not? He moves away or not?

Stay tuned.